Saturday, November 25, 2017

The Motivator

It's been a while since I last blogged and it isn't for any reason beyond a lack of inspiration, but lately I've had a few new encounters and therefore thoughts that I wanted to write about - besides, I can't let some of these popular BDSM sites, who have also started to blog, outdo me, right? So let's get on with it.

Everyone is driven by some kind of motivation and until recently, I hadn't really given this much thought. If a person approaches me and says "I want to be a 24/7 slave", I seldom asked why, I just assume, naively perhaps, that his desires were similar to mine. A person had been in contact with me a year ago and he said that he wanted to be my slave and he came to visit. From the get-go, I found him clingy and needy, and after a few visits, there was a reoccuring theme: he wanted to marry me and take my last name. I put it aside, thinking to myself that this would naturally be an option, the idea of a slave taking my last name is desireable, indeed wanted. The marrying part, well, that is up for discussion. I hadn't been too concerned regarding his incestent requests to marry me. But another theme emerged, when I would put a hood on him or a blindfold, he would eventually panic and we would have to end the session. So I stopped putting on the hood, the blindfold, really any gear at all, and he made it through the "session", but then it was no longer a session but a vanila hookup of sorts. I had hoped that perhaps after a few times of meeting him that I could slowly re-introduce the gear, but he began having the same panic attacks again. I then realized that his fetish, was the idea of taking another mans last name and marrying him that it had nothing to do with being a 24/7 slave or engaging in any BDSM activity of sorts. It might not have even been a fetish at all, but a sly way of getting something else. And it was this that made me think more about the motivations of people.

So what are my motivations exactly to be clear? I've had my fair share of vanilla relationships, but in the bedroom, it just isn't enough. I am too aggressive and I don't like an active partner. For many guys, who haven't been with an aggressive man, it is initially interesting for them, but, as I get used to them, so does the increase in my aggression, and this often scares them away. So I guess that is one motivation - the desire to have someone who is submissive in the bedroom. But being submissive in the bedroom doesn't mean that someone is a slave (I know some people use this parallel when they list their "experience" as a slave, but it is a reach at best).

The other aspect is control, the desire to control another man. In vanilla relationships, I haven't necessarily wanted to control my partner, but it was something that was always missing. I have had a few slaves who have come to visit for an extended period and I find it most rewarding and in seeking my motivation for wanting a 24/7 slave, I have to ask myself why. Is it him being naked and hooded? Yes. Is it about the constant thought in the back of my brain while I am at work, that there is a slave locked in my cage at home? Yes. Is it the ability to take him and have sex with him whenever I want or to command him to do something and he does it? Yes. But the part that is missing, because even all of that isn't enough motivation to own another man 24/7 - one can have much of this with just extended sessions, is what comes beyond a week or two, what is evident only after months, perhaps years. The ability to modify him and mould him to my liking, expanding his limits, changing his behaviors from being subserviant to a society and to others outside, to only being subserviant to myself. I have to say that this is my motivation. I don't want another mans belongings, his money, his citizenship (of whatever country he hails from), I don't want any of that. I want him, naked, exposed, and simple - just as he is, to be mine and to belong to me.

That is my motivation.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Active and Passive

When most people think of a top, they think of someone who is ‘active’, in other words, they take charge in the bedroom and penetrate (anally) the bottom, someone who we generally regard as ‘passive’. But what might come as a surprise to you is that this is not always the case. Some tops may take a passive role and the bottom an active role. I see this frequently.

Consider myself for example. A long, long time ago, in a land far away… (just kidding), I was once taking medicine just before bedtime that pretty much knocked me out cold. I was in what became a very short-lived relationship. I was the top in the relationship and he was the bottom. One night I awoke in the early morning hours to my partner riding my cock just as he was ejaculating. After he had finished, he cleaned me off and went back to sleep, but I did not cum. I decided to lay still and pretend that I was sleeping. Early the next morning, I awoke again to him doing the same thing. Okay, okay, you might be thinking “rape” (yes, technically) – I wonder to this day how long it was going on for, but the point is that I had discovered something that I had never considered before. Often we have these preconceived notions of what a bottom is and what a top is and the role that we expect each to play.

You see: he was a bottom - he absolutely enjoyed having a cock inside of him with no desire to penetrate another guy, but he was not passive. He did not enjoy a top fucking him if it wasn’t on his terms and when he needed it.

Let’s take this a step further and apply it to our fictional character “Fred”. Fred is a top, but he is passive, he has no desire to be a bottom, to be penetrated or even to perform oral sex on a guy. Fred comes over to my house, and I tie him to a bed, blindfold him, gag him, and he absolutely loves it. But Fred needs an active bottom, let’s call him “John”, to perform oral sex on him, to ride his cock, whatever possible to make him feel good and “John” being a bottom, loves this. “John” has no desire to take direction from or give up control to “Fred”.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Freak Out

We’ve all been there: the point where we get’s so turned on that we push ourselves to do things that we wouldn’t otherwise do and it isn’t limited to BDSM. It could be something simple, like picking up someone in a washroom or trying out electro for the first time – even if it is only on yourself. The question is, what happens afterwards?

Men have what is called a refractory period – that period after ejaculation where the man is unable to achieve another erection or organism. But something else happens for some people when it comes to sex – that is, they “freak out”.

The intensity of the reaction depends on the person and luckily, in most of the people that I have played with, it has been somewhat subdued. I say most however, because there has been a few in which the reaction has been violent, but more on that later.  

I would be lying if I didn’t say that in my mind, the best slave would be one, who stays submissive even after organism (and likewise, the best Master would be one that remains dominant). And that is what an ideal slave (and Master) should strive for.

So what drives people to freak out exactly? Fear for one. Sexual urges cause us to do things that we wouldn’t normally otherwise do, and when that feeling is satisfied, afterwards the courage we first had is gone and the underlying fear remains. Shame or guilt also something to do with it. One might experience internal shame, that the act they just committed is somehow immoral. And it is fear and guilt (and other things) that drive people sometimes to violence.

There is nothing scarier than being in your own home when someone begins to act out violently – it isn’t as though you can easily remove yourself from the situation. It has happened in about 5% of the people who have visited me. The only advice I can say in such a situation is to remain calm, be reassuring but firm, and get the person out of your home as quickly as possible. Perhaps even more disturbing is that in every case, the person seemed normal and relatively calm and during the session making it difficult to tell prior to a session how a given person might respond afterwards.  

The only advice I have to such people is to seek professional help. Seriously. If you find yourself acting violently or experiencing extreme guilt or shame, then perhaps there are other things going on mentally that you need to address so that you don’t harm others or yourself.

But to the rest of us, one thing I believe it comes down to is comfort. The more often you engage in a particular scene, the more comfortable you will feel and less apt to freak out. The first few times that you try something, there is the unknown, not knowing if it is safe, whether it will hurt, and of course, the more you engage in it, the better you will understand how your body reacts and how to adjust things to make it feel better – or whether to avoid certain things altogether. Trust also has a lot to do with it. Just how confident do you think I was to meet another new slave after just encountering a violent one? (that is a rhetorical question)

Saturday, March 5, 2016

More Musings

I get these messages sometimes from slaves who have this ideal Master that is wholeheartedly “complete”, that he is so self-sufficient that he doesn’t need anyone, wherein the slave is his muse, but yet disposable. And while at times we all feel this way, we are socially complex creatures with many needs and any Master, including myself is not so different.

I think there is a certain vulnerability in being a Master (just as there is with being a slave). There are slaves who like to be treated like a boy, protected by the Master, guided, sheltered, but then there are also those who like to protect and shelter the Master, all the while submitting to him. I want to make a note of differentiating this from active submissives. I am more alluding to a slave who enjoys being submissive, but simply protective, sheltering – not in a domineering way however. I’ve had experience with both and it’s an interesting dynamic. I don’t believe it makes a Master less of a man, but actually a better man, a better Master.

There is definitely something paternal in me. And when I use that word ‘paternal’, I speak only of the emotional (not sexual) bond between a father and son. The desire to mentor, love, guide, and be a permanent part of a slave’s life. But there is also something in me that has a need to be held, loved, cherished as well. Does this make me a switch? No. I don’t believe it does, but rather simply human. The desire to receive attention, affection, love – essentially being worshiped by a slave is definitely something that I enjoy immensely.

And oftentimes, I get messages from slaves who state that they are looking for a Master to make them better, to train them. While, I’m okay with that (it’s very common), there is something incredibly appealing about having a slave who is well educated and adjusted and has it already in his mind that this is what he wants and he knows his place and will do anything to subject himself to his Master.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Common Questions

As you can imagine, I get quite a few questions on any given day. I've decided to start writing down some of the questions that I am asked and my thoughts on them. I'll keep adding to this post so check back.

(Q) What would you enjoy doing with a 'guy' like me?

Often when I'm asked this question, the only thing I envision is the guy whacking off in his bed and it's kind of a turn off, since it means he's not really serious and is just looking for a quick fling or some dirty talk to get him through his moment.

First, I know nothing about you and the personality of a slave has a lot to do with how I approach him. It's true! If I find you are rowdy and obnoxious, I am going to treat you differently than if you come across quiet and humble.

Second, what I do with you one day, even one month to another, will be different from what I would do with you a different day or in another month due to the mood I'm in, hell, even the weather outside can affect what I do.

Third, my limits are few and guaranteed to exceed your own. Asking me an open-ended question like this, may simply turn you off when you hear my response.

Instead, start by telling me a bit about yourself, what you do and don't enjoy doing, and what you hope to get out of it.

(Q) "How r u", "cud" or any question that includes improper grammar, spelling or net-lingo.

(A) I may respond normally and put up with it, but most likely you'll just irritate me and I won't respond. It will be even worse if I tell you to speak properly and then you revert the next day or so. It's disrespectful. I'm not your bestie. Would you write a prospective employer in such a manner? Probably not, so why write me in such a manner?

(Q) "Hey"

(A) I usually will not respond.

(Q) Visiting the city next week OR I'm in the city visiting

(A) I'm usually not into casual. My response will depend on my mood. You might get lucky but on the other hand. A better approach would be to contact me ahead of your visit, provide me with information about your likes and dislikes, and what you specifically want to get out of our meeting. In other words, what's in it for me as a DOM? Not, what's in it for you besides the fact that you're just flying through.

(Q) I'm visiting the local bathhouse and wondering if you could meet me.

(A) I'm not interested in bathhouses or sex clubs. Such venues center on sex. They may incorporate aspects of BDSM, such as a leather bed or a sling, but it is all driven by sex, which isn't what motivated me to create this blog in the first place. I will block you, not respond, or simply tell you that I am not interested. It will also most likely result in me never wanting to meet you, ever.

(Q) Check out my profile and let me know what you think.

(A) I probably won't. Why? Well, imagine you were applying for a job. Would you tell your perspective employer "Go to my online web site and have a look at my resume and tell me what you think?" Instead, you'd most likely summarize yourself; sell yourself to me, why should I be interested in you as a DOM? For all I know, you're simply copying and pasting such a message into every profile you can find.

Sunday, July 26, 2015


When I entered the world of BDSM, I had just left a very long, closed, monogamous vanilla relationship. The thought of having just failed was depressing and I honestly had no idea what I was going to do next. Then I met someone and he introduced me to the world of BDSM. I was fascinated. He had opinions (he wasn't a pushover so to speak), but he was always passive to my thoughts and desires both in and out of the bedroom and always courteous. He would show me images of things he liked, we would go places, and it was all new to me. Soon he wasn't enough for me though, I needed more and I wanted more.

Over the years, I continued to meet slaves, around two hundred to date, all the meanwhile maturing. It's that maturity however, that biological time clock (or inner-father) that has left me wanting something more at the age of forty that seems unattainable: permanence.

You see, most slaves who want to visit me are interested in my gear or my cage and want to experiment - they want exactly what I wanted when I started out. It's fascinating to them. It's still fascinating to me as well, but I've grown to the point where simply tying up a slave for a while and playing with him isn't enough. My desires have now transcended beyond gear and sex towards something more emotional and connected.

So what is permanence exactly? When you enter the world, you have a family. Whether it's a mother and father or two mothers or two fathers or a mix and match is irrelevant, the point is that family is always there. They are always on your mind. You're connected to them. It's the same with close friends, you develop bonds with them, they get to know you, they become like family. Amongst these people, you fit in, you're comfortable, you belong, you would protect them, and you care for them and them for you. This is permanence: strong relationships that are established, and unlikely to fail you throughout your entire life.

I have found that my desire to establish deep connections with my slaves, to love and care for them (in a fatherly way) has increased tremendously as I have aged. The problem inherent however, is that this is not the case with the vast majority of slaves who visit me - they are not looking for the same thing. They fail to see that there is something more meaningful and better that has a significantly higher level of growth outside of a session, but will never attain it simply limiting themselves to sessions.

Ultimately, this is where I am. This is why I believe in 24/7/365.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Blog Is Moving

Apparently Google has rescinded their policy and the Blog will not be moving. I will however set up another site where the blog will also reside as a precaution and will announce that site soon.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

First Timers

Over the years, I've had many "first timers". I say first timers, but I'm going to extend this to include relatively inexperienced slaves and Dom's who want to experience being a slave - regardless of sexual orientation: straight or gay or something else entirely - as I've had them all.

Imagine slave after slave comes to visit you and let's say you enjoy rope bondage and therefore you tie the slave up. One day you tie him up in a hog tie, the next in some other position and so on and so forth. Perhaps you engage in some wax play or heat play or some S/M, whatever. I want you to imagine how it is for a Master to go through these same motions with slave after slave, day after day, week after week and so on and so forth. Of course, the knot you tied yesterday may become a little more perfected today or you may have a slightly different dynamic from one slave or the other but frankly, it's more of the same.

For a slave, he simply moves on. He move on to another Master or perhaps is juggling five or six at the same time. He's ability to grow thereby is exponential. A Master on the other hand is limited to meeting other Masters, continuing to meet a plethora of slaves who can't satisfy him, or perhaps engaging in the submissive side of things himself to learn through example. However, the slaves who come to see him generally want his guidance and expect him to somehow magically fulfill whatever fantasies exist in their heads without any upfront communication.

For some, this works. For someone like me however, it doesn't. Not even close.

Let's say little jimmy (jimmy is not real btw) comes to visit me. We go through a bit of orientation, we try some light bondage, some wax, etc. Little jimmy may not come back since he had some fantasy in his head that he wanted to be thrown on the floor and drugged or something. On the other hand, let's say little jimmy comes to visit, and I did just that, I told him to enter my garage, and then subdued him in the dark and did all sorts of unspeakable acts to him ;-) But little jimmy might not come back because I scared the crap out of him. Now, little jimmy may come back but he might have a partner, he might have a great career, he might have a parent who is incapacitated or a little gerbil called Suzie that he can't leave at home for more than an hour. All of these scenarios have happened to me btw.

The problem inherent is that all of the routine motions become mentally boring for lack of a better word. Yes - boring. When I first started out, I fully enjoyed learning and growing as well, but not finding a slave who is at the same level or even remotely committed to growing to such a level in all this time ends up leaving one feeling that is not even worth the while. This is further compounded by the sheer number of slaves nowadays who place so many restrictions or limits on the play that that's all it could ever be - play.

In addition, it is important for the growth of little jimmy as well. Unfortunately, most "first timers" don't see the forest past the trees. They get tied up, run home and tell all their slave friends what happened and that's that - another notch on the whipping post. This reduces BDSM down to a simple act - a transaction that occurs in a set period of time and to nothing more. The dynamic that happens outside the playroom thereby never is explored which is incredibly unfortunate.

You might be that little jimmy. Perhaps you've never slept in a cage and have never felt the security it can provide, much like a dog in his crate. If you've never slept more than one night in a cage, you may not understand the impact it can have on you psychologically. If you've tried electrodes and hated it and never tried again or again, you'd never realize that sometimes it just takes time to start enjoying something that your body has to adjust to.

And it is isn't only about sex. It's sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual in many regards and all of these things take time to develop. They can't develop in the few hours or arguably even in a couple of weeks.

What I'm saying on this Sunday morning is that any relationship, including those in BDSM require commitment from both parties and I've been finding lately that the little jimmies who come to visit me are lacking in commitment. Perhaps the result of a must have generation. I'll end by saying this generation - is missing out.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Boyfriends vs. Slaves

I've been out of the blog-o-sphere for the past ten months, in a monogamous vanilla relationship with another man. It's amazing how unexpectedly one can fall in love and although we are no longer together, my heart is still his.

It does raise a good question though, what made him my boyfriend and not my slave? Here are some of my thoughts on the matter:


When I meet slaves for BDSM, they approach me as slaves. I've never once had a man who I've been dating say, "I want to be your slave". Right from the onset, there is the knowledge that the guy in front of me is a slave. He finds my blog or my profile on a site or hears about me from someone else, and we approach everything from that point forward and he is limited to the capacity of a slave. Similarly, with boyfriends, you meet them in a coffee shop or out some place and you approach it differently - as equals, as potential mates, possibly friends and that develops into something more.


The majority of slaves I meet are average looking - some not even that. There's been a few, however, that well, let's just say have made my buzzard go off. These slaves are often already in relationships or do not want a relationship. Believe me when I say, that my standards are not that high when it comes to looks - that should offer some hope to any slaves who do aspire to being more, but I have to be attracted to any man who is my partner. On the other hand, I do not have to be attracted to a slave. It helps, but I usually have low expectations when it comes to slaves.


I expect dedication from both my partner and slaves, however, more so from my partner. Why you might ask? Well, slaves come, they learn, and then they leave in search of greener pastures. There have been a few slaves that have stuck around, even though I haven't met them in over ten months, but they are exceptions. A partner, I'm expecting (although it hasn't happened yet) that they will be dedicated enough to stick around.


Love is strange word with no easy definition. Perhaps to state that I would give my life for a partner who I love would put the word into perspective. I love my slaves too, but in a different way. It's more of a caring love and not so much of a romantic love - more in the way that a father cares for his offspring (or should).


Sexually, I am a top. "Well duh, right?" However, sexual position preference has nothing to do with whether you are a Master. There are Masters that are bottoms and slaves who are tops, and there are some that switch.

When I have sex with a slave, it's often seated in domination and pleasure. He may think that I am enjoying him as a 'person', but rest assured that I'm not. He's just an object and he's being used regardless of what fantasy may be going on in his head. Although I have crossed boundaries with my partners before, perhaps tying them up or using gear in bed, it's not about domination or just getting off. It's more about keeping it interesting. I have an enormous amount of respect for my partners. He is my equal in life. I give a little, he gives a little and sex isn't just sex with him. It's about sharing love, it's caring, it's intimate, it's highly emotional. None of this crosses my mind when having sex with a slave.


Of course, over time, I do get to know my slaves and some of the interests they have, but their interests really aren't that important outside of BDSM. If my slave comes over and says, "I like rollerblading". Well, that's nice, but you're not here to do rollerblading now are you? These interests may be beneficial, but are second to BDSM. On the other hand, when I'm with friends or partners, interests do matter to an extent. While two people don't need to have exact interests, it helps if the other person enjoys hiking as much as I do. Obviously, interests in BDSM do matter however or at least openness to trying different things.


I'm not into endless relationships. Some people date only for having sex. They go on a couple of dates, make the other person feel they are serious, have sex, and then move on. In a way, they are manipulative. I'm not like this. When I'm in a relationship with someone I love, the goal is to remain with that person, to grow the relationship. On the other hand, with session slaves, it's often a very structured meeting. The slave shows up, you go through various activities, and they leave. This continues (hopefully) and they (and I) grow in the process. They may continue to see me for years of course, but it has not (as of yet) ever progressed to anything permanent. Ideally, that would happen, but it hasn't.


I've only kissed one slave in my life and it was an error in judgment. I don't kiss slaves. It's just something I like to reserve for partners.

In closing, I know many couples who are in a relationship and are involved in BDSM. Some of these couples play together, others don't. Some see others on the side. Therefore, the above is only how I feel. Would I ever have a slave and a partner in one? It's unlikely. Although there are many parallels, I view the two differently and it would be difficult for me to reconcile the two. I challenge anyone to try. It would take a lot of effort from this person to impress me and you'd have your work cut out for you.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Breath Play

I'm going to state what should be obvious to all my readers: breathing is necessary to sustain life and we do it all day, every day, throughout our lives giving it very little thought. It is controlled by your brain and although you can hold your breath, assuming you're healthy, you will not die by doing so. The worst that could happen is that you will pass out and your body will resume breathing on its own - although few of us can ever hold our breath anywhere close enough for that to happen.

So what's breath play?

Well, if you haven't figured it out yet by reading my blog, much of BDSM revolves around taking and relinquishing control. In simple terms, allowing a Master to control your breathing through use of some means, such as placing a hand over your mouth and nose, is breath play.

I have been involved in breath play since my roots and there are many extremes.

Breath play isn't without risk. Deprived of oxygen, anyone will pass out, and if oxygen is continually deprived (often within minutes) the slave will die - not something that any sane Master wants. Sustained breath play, even if the slave does not pass out, may result in heart palpitations and possibly a heart attack. It's important that if using a device to prevent airflow, that the device can be rapidly removed (i.e. in seconds) and that you don't leave a slave ever unattended for any duration of time. Never use devices when trying to restrict your breath on your own. It's also a good idea to limit the amount of time involved doing breath play. I tend to limit breath play to a maximum of 15 minutes in a session, taking short breaks as necessary throughout and stopping any time the slave gives a safe signal. Obviously verbal safe words don't work well in breath play.
Keep in mind the average person can hold their breath for about 25 to 40 seconds and this can pass quickly when you are engrossed in breath play.

Getting involved in breath play requires trust. The slave has to be able to trust that the Master knows what to do in an emergency and that they are going to respect any safe signals.

The simplest form of breath play involves the Master holding his hand over the slaves' nose and mouth. I find the best way is to position the slave, either sitting or standing, so their back is to you. Place the palm of your hand over the slaves' mouth. If you place your fingers over the slaves' mouth, they will still be able to breathe. Then grasp the slaves' nostrils between your thumb and the base of your index finger, essentially closing the air supply. This form is also the safest in my opinion in that the hand can simply be removed and airflow is immediately restored.

Care must be taken when using devices such as plastic wrap and bags. I believe that plastic wrap is the more unsafe of the two since it is difficult to remove quickly, especially if the slave begins to panic.
I have found that other devices, such as a pillow, is less effective at controlling breath.

What would someone want to do breath play?

From a Master's perspective, it caters to your desire to control. I personally enjoy the feeling of a slave's warm, moist breath on my hand, even if I'm not completely cutting off his breath supply. I also feel an intense rush simply from being able to control something as rudimentary as breathing.

From a slave's perspective, there may be many reasons he decides to allow the Master to control his breath. He may do it, not necessarily out of enjoyment but rather simply because he sees his Master enjoys it. If the slave is horny, depriving him of oxygen will heighten his senses and he will have a more intense orgasm.

Regardless of what you decide when it comes to breath play - play safe, know and respect your limits.

P.S. To all my regular readers, I am still around. Got lots of ideas for new posts on a variety of subjects.